1. Herbert von Karajan grumpily churning the butter.
2. Valery Gergiev mostly likely suffering from food poisoning.
3a. Gustavo Dudamel suddenly noticing there’s a scorpion on his hand.
3b. Gustavo Dudamel touches a hot stove and refuses to learn that he will get burned.
4. Pierre Boulez brings you the glass of wine you ordered which he totally disapproves of.
5. Otto Klemperer does not want anyone disturbing his nap. Even Beethoven.
6a. Esa-Pekka Salonen surfing while high, dude.
6b. Esa-Pekka Salonen is an angry Atlanta Braves fan.
7. Carlos Kleiber casually pulling a tiny baby out of his pocket.
8a. Sir Simon Rattle: sex machine.
8b. Sir Simon Rattle reenacting a few tricks from his Vegas magic show.
9. Charles Munch talking to himself and not caring what you think.
10a. Leonard Bernstein trying and failing to keep his heart from exploding.
10b. Leonard Bernstein looking like someone who’s really happy about stabbing his wife.
11. Stanisław Skrowaczewski is genuinely moved by the music.
Brian Lauritzen 